The Stereotypical Harry Potter Story
by Ember Moonchant
Summary: Mary Sue, Mary Sue, la la la la la...oh, hi. Read this fic and laugh, laugh, laugh. Rated PG-13 for later chapters and mild language.


The Stereotypical Harry Potter Story by Ember Moonchant  
  
AN: Yes, it's lame, I know. I am doing a parody of the famed "American Exchange Student" story. If I was at Hogwarts..yeah, you get the picture. Mary Sues trying not to be Mary Sues but actually are Mary Sues. So, read on, buddies. Out and about, baby. Oh yeah, and please R&R..I'd really appreciate it.  
  
  
  
---  
  
Christa walked in the Great Hall. Everyone seemed to stare at her, like usual.  
  
"Wow, it's a real, live, American Transfer Student." The hall went hush. Christa sighed and shook her head. "What? WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME?" She screeched. Everyone stared at her, still. The professors just looked at her. Dumbledore felt the need to introduce her.  
  
"It's our new exchange student from AmErIcA, Christa Marie," he said for the 100th time. People still stared.  
  
---  
  
Christa's POV  
  
"Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of doing that?" I yelled. "You act like you've never seen an American person before."  
  
"She's SUCH A REBEL," Draco exclaimed. "I like her. Wait, I don't. Wait, I do. I'm so confused!" Draco began to scream. "Why must I fraternate with every original character in Fan fiction, and either loathe them or hate them?" he cried, running out of the room. I shook my head.  
  
"Of course, we were able to pull a few strings and you can be sorted!" No faster than the narrow lady had spoke the words, House elves ran to me, placed a stool under me, and Professor McGonnagal ran over with the hat. She eagerly jammed it on my head.   
  
"Hmm..you look about a Ravenclaw. But, sorry, since Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley are in Gryffindor, you have to be in Gryffindor also." I stared at the Gryffindor table and I saw three losers wave and grin at me.  
  
"Wait," I said aloud. "I have to be in--"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted. The table of morons cheered.  
  
"That's jacked," I exclaimed.  
  
"Oo, she used American slang," exclaimed everyone in the hall.  
  
"Stupid hat," I said, throwing the ugly rag down and stepping on it. My green eyes brushed over the table and unwillingly I walked over to sit at the Moron table.  
  
" We love her, she's mean and rebelious." the Great Hall chorused. Hermione moved over to make a seat for me. Ron Weasley grinned at me with his ugly face and I turned around and punched him. Hermione smiled as I sat down and stared at the nasty British food. "Hey, hey, see my scar? Christa, stare at my scar! Christa!"  
  
I couldn't understand this kid, Seamus, because he had this Irish broge. Everyone talked at once and they kept slathering beans all over their eggs. Everyone kept asking me if I was muggle-born, or if the Gangs of America had started wars with eachother, causing us to go into Fallout Shelters and eat stale pudding. The only decent kid there was some guy named Neville.  
  
"This is going to be a long year," I said as I slumped into the unconfortable chair.  
  
"Oh my god," exclaimed Hermione. "We should bring Christa to the Hospital Wing! Oh no! She's going to be ill!"   
  
"Oh my god, don't die, don't die!" screeched Ron. "I instantly have to be in a ship with you, and then I'll catch you in bed with Harry! Please, don't die!"  
  
---  
  
"Don't skip class, young lady," Madam Pomphrey exclaimed with excitement. I rolled my eyes. "For the hundreth time, the whole Gryffindor house ushered me in here."  
  
"Leave!" she yelled.  
  
"Whatever, lady." I walked out, feeling a chuckle coming on. I looked at my red and gold schedule. "Damn, I really wanted to be in Ravenclaw."  
  
Potions was first. As I walked through the halls, I felt the stares of many pressing against me. I tried hard not to beat them up as I walked down into the dungeons.   
  
"Ooh," I heard a Hufflepuff whisper, "She's going down to the dungeons. She must be the heir of Slytherin!" More whispers ensued as I smacked my head against the cold stone wall. "Freakin' Hogwarts."  
  
I casually walked into Snape's classroom. I tried to take a seat at the Slytherin tables, but they scowled at me. Looking up, I could see Hermione grinning and pushing over to make room for me. I groaned and sat down next to her.  
  
"Ahh," said Professor Snape. "Christa Marie..pleased, I'm sure." His sallow features were illuminated by the cauldron fire. His beetle black eyes held a touch of malice and they glazed over me in strangest way.  
  
"Very pleased," I said as if I were a chesire cat. He smiled a bit. I smiled back.  
  
"Eeep," everyone in the castle gasped.  
  
"But Christa," exclaimed Harry, pointing to his scar, "You're supposed to stand up to Snape and be mean to him. It's in the script! Anyways, he is on the DARK SIDE." Now Harry was taking little airplane lights and flashing them around his scar.  
  
I looked at Harry's eyes. "I can do whatever the hell I want."  
  
Harry stood up. "I challange you...to a DUEL! Dun dun dun.."  
  
"Whatever," I said, placing my head on my arms. "I think I'm going to go to sleep now.."  
  
"You do that," said Snape, and he continued yelling at the class about oncoming Bunny traffic.  
  
br  
TBC.. 


End file.
